The day after the night before....

I hate having a plan, having every intention of sticking to that plan, then someone else ruining it. If I ruin it, that's fine, and it would probably just be down to procrastination.....But when it's out of your hands....It's even more frustrating!

Yesterday, I stopped blogging so that I could go to the gym....Plus Ms S was irritating me, so it seemed wise to get myself out of the situation.

The gym was alright....Definitely glad I went although I didn't have my contact lenses in, which normally isn't a problem as I generally just stick the Ipod in and ignore everyone. However there were definitely lesbians in there yesterday and I couldn't look without squinting and that would have made me look weird...Shame.

I feel really drained this morning....Last night was a really hard night...More rows with Ms S, resulting in me kicking a box of wine bottles and seriously bruising my big toe. I'm going to try the gym again soon so I'll see how it is.
I'm in the lodgers old room now, or as I like to call it, the cupboard. I don't really know how I feel about it....Obviously sad is gonna be the general idea, but regretful is probably more on the mark. I was thinking about when we first met, and how things were, how I felt. I didn't even realise when it all started to change....It just did! She still isn't showing any actual emotions of sadness and that really hurts me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, it would be obvious to anyone who spoke to me lately that I'm not happy or that something is going on in my life...Even to a stranger. However I can promise you that if you took one look at her, you'd have no idea.
I find it almost insulting that she can be that light about everything.....We were so close, we loved each other so much and even had bloody marriage in our heads....How can she not feel any loss over this?
I think for these reasons, and the fact that I still love her, is gonna be why I'll find it so hard to remain in this cupboard and stay sane. I should make a break for it, leave and find somewhere else....But I have my dog that I don't want to leave and as mad as it sounds, my life that I made....I will miss it.

Jesus I thought this blog stuff was supposed to make me feel better...It's depressing the Hell outta me!!!!

Blogging relentlessly....Looking for something to write about!

I'm liking this blog thing...How long do you think that'll last though? I can't even commit to taking vitamins daily never mind something like this.

One of the lodgers is moving his stuff out of his room today.....Guess where I'll be sleeping for the forseeable future????

When Ms S goes out, I feel like I'm over it all and I resemble some state of happiness....Then she comes home again.....

Our lodger (not the one that's moving out) is great. He's out at the moment looking to buy a new car, and I can't wait for him to come home so I can take the p**s out of him. That sounds really nasty but wait for it.........He's gone out in his banged up, rusting Escort with a decent amount of money in his account to purchase a respectable replacement. He's been looking forward to this weekend for a while because it's his "looking for new cars" weekend. He's just rang us to ask us to pick him up as his old car has just broken down!!! How funny is THAT????

I came back downstairs after stupidly limiting myself to the coldest room in the house (See previous post if this makes no sense). Ms S has gone to pick the Artful Lodger up so I took the opportunity to move. I really need to go to the gym to be honest....I'm procrastinating!!! I'm sure however when she shows her face I will up sticks and get the hell out of here! It's just so cold. If things were normal, I'd be using her car and driving to the gym as I only have my motorbike at the moment....Would it be really cheeky if I asked for the car????

D-Day.

Ahhhhh.......Ms S came back!!!!



I hate having rows...Which some might not believe as I do it so well, I'm not even that practiced at it believe it or not.



Nothing much was said, apart from myself issuing a few grunts to general questions she was asking...." Have you fed the cat?" being one of them.



When this whole breaking up thing kicked-off yesterday, I was adamant that I wouldn't lose my temper or start a row. However I wanted something you know, some sort of exchange?



She spent the best part of the day texting (great way to dump your live-in partner) reasons why we shouldn't be together and how much she DOESN'T love me anymore. Ouch....Sufficed to say that it really ruined my day.

So I battle on anyway, get work over with so that we can maybe talk when we both get home....I mean come on....The text method couldn't have been all I was gonna get surely?

Well apparently I was wrong.....Ms S has this great way of acting like everything is normal when in fact, it's far from it. I mean I'm a little hurt and damaged by this time and when I don't respond to her "normalness" like she wanted, it all kicks off! I'm hurt...REALLY hurt and she's walking around, acting like nothing is wrong and life is good. I got mad!

Thats's when she walked out to stay with her mates. So I never got the chat...I just got to stew in all that had gone on and cry.

But what does that chat consist of when it happens....Is it something that I even wanna hear?? Now at this stage unless it's "Baby what a fool I've been, lets sort it all out", I don't wanna know!

She's doing it now!!!!!!!!!! Argh it makes me so mad! She's walking around the house like all is well and she doesn't care that she's just destoyed everything!!! I don't get it!!!

I'm really stupid......You know when you have a row and one of you walks off? Well I'm generally the one that storms off.....However I'm like the stupid horror movie victim that runs upstairs instead of out the front door. I walk off into the bedroom or bathroom generally and when I get there I'm like, what do I do now? I can't go back downstairs because that would ruin the effect of storming off in the first place....But now I'm upstairs and I'm getting bored already and they're downstairs with the TV, DVD, Xbox, Wii and FOOD...B****r!

Blog virgin.

I've just noticed how hard it is to type a sentence without putting a space inbetween the words.
In setting up this blog, I had to write the link (or whatever it is) so people can find it. I had to write "Good Girl, Getting worse" with no spaces......It was harder than you may think. Try it.....

....See...I bet you naturally pressed the spacebar didn't you?

I'm afraid that the purpose of this whole blogging deal is for nothing more than to filter out what's going on in my own head. However if I manage to entertain those of you that are sad enough to read this (kidding), then I've reached someone.

I'm starting with the Police very soon.....It's all very complicated because I went in, then back out due to problems with my pelvis (explain later). A good friend of mine has a crafty Police Officers' blog which I think is a great way to deal with being a Police Officer. All the crazy, sometimes hard things they deal with needs filing somehow eh? I know the Police Service frown upon it, but done and seen in the right light, it can be harmless. Well anyway, that was my plan too....When I get properly in and stay in (any day now), I was going to start this blog and enthrall you all with my day to day life as a brand new Police Officer.

Well......It didn't quite work out that way.....Other things have happened in my life which has made me want to start blogging earlier.

First of all.....Let me introduce myself....

My name is Good Girl (didn't think I was gonna give my real name did you)? I live in Chatham, Kent. Have only been here since July and already I think I will be going back to Essex soon.
I live with (now here's where it gets complicated) my ex, housemate, 3 dogs and a kitten. There is also my pet mouse somwhere but she escaped the cage some time ago and it's likely the kitten or dogs got her, but I'll include her anyway as she's family. :-)

Yeah you read right, I live with my ex! I was up until about 21 hours ago, going out and living with, my partner (we'll call her Ms S) but she decided that she wasn't happy and that I should really be single. Don't you just hate it when people make that decision for you??
Of course I protested...Quite a lot actually....Alas it made no difference and she went to stay with friends for the night. It's 1223 and she's still not back...Hey Ho!

I don't like being single.....But oddly enough I evidentally don't like being in a relationship either....What do I like then?

How does it all work? I was walking around yesterday and saw these middle-aged women, in their 4x4's with "baby on board" in the window....Looking perfectly contented with their married lives. Then there's me.....I know I'm never gonna do the whole marriage and kids thing, but surely I'm gonna wanna settle down one day??? How do you know when you meet that person? I just can't see it....Answers on a postcard.

Hmm.....If I'm not careful I'm gonna bore my audience before I've even gotten anywhere....I could go on for ages!!! Do I just type on and on and on or stop somewhere?

Lets stop for now.......