When so much at happens at once....

Phew....The last week has been mad!

It was my birthday last Thursday and I am not exaggerating when I say that it was the worst one I've had.

I'm not sleeping in the cupboard anymore, in fact I'm not even in the house anymore...sigh...

Wednesday night all hell was let loose when we had a major row and she wanted me out then and there. Where was I to go? She wasn't concerned about that....OUT!

That night I was preparing myself to sleep in my car, an old ex wouldn't allow that and she offered her house for the night. I will be forever amazed and in debt to her, someone who I thought would be the last person to be there for me, was the first....That means a lot to me.

After that my rugby captain offered her flat to me for the weekend which again was a great help. I am still in the process of selling my bike, so until I get the money from that (still has 3 days to go on Ebay) I have to live from day to day seeking refuge from my rugby mates!

Another friend of mine has potentially got a place for me to live, however his son stays there 2 weekends out of every month so he wants to ask him how he feels about it before saying yes to me. Also he will be having inlaws over for Xmas and New Years so the room wouldn't be open to me until next year. So...I'm homeless!

The Police have slashed their induction places, I was told that I have a possible 6-12 month wait on my start date....BIG bummer for me because I'm ready to get stuck in, I need something to focus on! So I'm still driving lorries, however my agency was based in Kent, I haven't worked since Thursday last week and I'm worried about money, especially with Xmas. So....I'm jobless!

For so long (about a year now) I've used the analogy of having this light at the end of a tunnel....All my goals where there, just a little out of reach. I kept going because I knew that soon, I'd be able to grab them all and get on with a great life. I have SO much potential that I'm looking forward to fufilling, I just needed to wait a little bit longer. A year on and I'm no further...If anything, I'm behind.

I know I'm a victim of my own circumstance and that It is very easy to feel sorry for myself with what's going on, and I know that my goals, that light at the end of that tunnel will be in reach one day....But that "one day" is painfully close whilst being painfully far away. Running out of optimism and patience.

So it's Monday, I am moping around with my life because I have nothing else to do.......

BBC Radio One....Getting it right...

STOP PRESS!!! Did you ever think that one could put "BBC" and "Getting it right" in the same sentence?????

In the past I have not been a great fan of the BBC, especially with their judgemental prejudice towards the news in general and the British Police Force...However.....Asides from that (a long and political story of which I refuse to weigh my blog down with)....I do love listening to their radio station. Particularly on Saturday just gone....

Usually from Monday to Friday, If I can, I tune into Radio One to listen to the Chris Moyles show. Some might say that I'm a little obsessed with the team that present that show as I made a point to find out more about them and what they looked like....You know what it's like, you get an image of someone after listening to them for so long...I had to know!!

Anyway......If I play a rugby match on Sunday, I will have Monday off, which means I miss a show as I'm not up that early on a day off! This means that I have to work on the Saturday to make up for the lost day.
I was driving a lorry on Saturday, I got sent to Coventry, which from Kent is a good 3.5 hours away and that's without loads of traffic!
So you can imagine...I have the radio on and with Chris Moyles not on on a Saturday morning, I don't feel obliged to listen to that station all day!

Here the rant begins..................

BBC Radio One are the only bright sparks, sharp knives, brainy people to NOT have the news playing "On the hour, every hour"....And for this I thank them and will forever be a loyal listener!

Can you imagine how bloody dire it is when 7,8,9,10...etc hits and EVERY radio station reports the same news stories? My word!!! Though clever old Radio One are the ONLY station to still be playing music.....Their news broadcasts are at half past every hour!! GENIOUS!!!!! I love it and them...Keep it up guys!!!

Square plates....

This post doesn't actually have much at all to do with square plates....Apart from me just mentioning that I don't like them.

I was watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares the other night and I have found, through watching a few of them, that almost EVERYONE has these square plates.
Now to me....Square plates (or any other shape for that matter) scream "I'm different" and modern, and that the food placed on them must be different & modern too! If the likes of Ramsey served me a dish on a square plate, I wouldn't think any of it. It would almost match the standard of what I was expecting. However these everyday Joe's in their dingy, manky pubs serving up their "delights" on their SQUARE PLATES!!!!!!!!!! Do they think that the shape of the plate makes the meal any bloody better???????????????????

For any wannabe cooks out there with any shaped plate other than round, how about concentrating on the food that goes on the thing first! If you have mastered the art of cooking, then you can have any shape plate you want!!!!!

************************************RANT OVER************************************

Not the best day today.....Got up, fine. Went to work, fine. Did a days work, fine. Got home....S**t hits the fan. I'm sorry but It's going to be another blog involving Ms S....Trust me, when I've moved out of the house, I will be able to get her away and out of my life. Until then however her and her heartless ways will keep being moaned about!

It's not been that long since the split, but it's been long enough that we've reached this balance of being able to live around each other and getting on quite well.
Now it's very important to understand here that I DO NOT WANT HER BACK NOR DO I HAVE ANY OTHER FEELINGS FOR HER...AT ALL!

Just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page....

So as I said in the last blog, we're getting on alright. Pretty much how we were before except no partner-ish things going on, you know like kisses, hugs etc.

This is where I may need some feedback because it is obviously a hurdle I'm falling down at...She has emersed herself into the internet lesbian scene...and then some. I don't think she's seeing anyone, and if she is I'd come to terms with it. However she's ALWAYS on her laptop now, always getting texts and out tonight getting her nails done!!!! None of the above has she done before or for any major period of time. Now rightly or wrongly I feel a bit put out by this. I mean I'm still living under her roof for God's sake and we're both still going through a break-up when things are raw! It hurts! Is that inreasonable of me?

I don't like all this rubbing my nose in it, I know we don't love each other now, but at one time we did and that love doesn't go away over night......And when the person you loved is now seemingly having this wickedly happy life without you, it's not so nice! What's worse is that I have to watch her be so happy and getting all these texts and emails....If I wasn't here I wouldn't know and wouldn't care!

Now she can't see this and says quite simply that it just isn't any of my business and I should stop being so childish.....She is so cold and harsh! It's really upsetting!

I have never wanted to be out of this house more than I do now! I wish so much to be able to pack up my things and go, leave it all behind me. It's got to the point now where the things I thought I'd miss before, I won't now because I want out so badly!

I can't believe that the woman I fell so deeply and heavily in love with, has turned into this heartless cold and uncaring person that I now live with. THAT I think, hurts more than anything else!

I knew I couldn't commit!

What was it I said in one of my blogs......I am rubbish at committing to anything and I bet I don't keep this blog malarky up!! How right I was......However I realised that it has nothing to do with commitment; I'm just too ruddy lazy to be bothered! lol

So what's been going on in the life of GGGB since we last spoke?

Quite a bit I reckon.......

I'm still sleeping in the cupboard (for those of you that don't know, no I'm not actually in a cupboard, I'm not Harry Potter. It is how I refer to the box room that I have been demoted to).
However in the couple of weeks that I have been in here, I am definitely sleeping better and I have space, which I never knew I missed!
Ms S and I still as we were, as in we've still split up, but we're getting on very well considering. She's working, I'm working and most weekends I'm away in Essex playing Rugby or staying with friends. It's obvious that she wants me out of the house soon, I mean I'm not paying rent so I'm not in any rush but I want out soon too!

I'm one for planning me....I love it when I have a plan and when that plan is feasible, I love it even more and almost get excited about the possible outcome of it. Moving out is definitely the plan, but there are so many other factors that make that a little more complicated than you would imagine.
Money is obviously a factor, I mean I'm not paying rent here but I'm still struggling. You may think that's mad as I'm not earning a bad wage. It's just because I'm getting paid weekly and that does me in. Soon though I will be getting paid monthly again and then all "should" be well.
Ms S and I bought a German Shepherd when we first moved in together. She can't cope with him when I go and I would miss him anyway, so it's been decided that I should take him! I'm very happy with that, but is makes finding somewhere to live a tad harder. Before I moved in with Ms S I was in a house share in Essex, I was very happy there, but I know that there aren't many, if there are any houses that would be prepared to home both me and the dog. Apart from that, I am 24 and very much wanting my own place now you know?
So It seems that I need to look for a one bedroom flat....I can't get a mortgage so renting is the way to go. I need to save as much as I can, but I'm rubbish at that.......Sell sell sell!

I have a motorbike.....My pride and joy.....Alas It's time for me to grow up and get my priorities straight....The bike must go!

I reckon I's get a decent wedge for it, definitely over a grand and that would get me a deposit and on the way to first months rent.

Location is an issue.....I don't know where I'm going to be posted when my training finishes in my new job. I'd hate to get settled and then find that I need to move again. So my plan has substance, but like I said; there are factors that at the moment are beyond my control. Selling the bike has to be job one though.

I feel very mature!!!!! I'm looking forward to having my own place around my Essex friends again. I can always get a bike when I'm settled!